PTSD

I feel like birthing a baby is similar to going to war in that there is some Post Traumatic Stress that comes along with it. I feel like there is no space to vent, cry, be sad, or digest such an experience when a baby is involved. Everyone around me thinks I should be so happy, and part of me is, but I can't help but deal with this overwhelming sadness; I guess sadness is the word. I am so happy to not be pregnant anymore, but I can't remember anything about it now. I can't remember how it felt or where the time went. I don't know how this baby got here. Her birth did not go the way I wanted, other than the outcome of a healthy baby, and I feel like I didn't really want to be pregnant this time in the first place. I am sad that I feel this way and it is taking me much longer to really bond with her than it did with Caleb. I feel like there has been no time for me to just be me when there is a business to run and a family to care for. I didn't get pampered and cared for this time around and I was expected to jump right back into life. There is laundry to be done, meals to make, messes to clean up and everyone around me has just forgotten what I went through, as if it didn't happen at all or it doesn't matter. I feel so much pressure to be "ok" and "happy", but I'm just not. I love my children and my husband and I do feel so blessed to have them, but I need a little time to decompress and to find my joy.