Change

Change is always a challenging time in life. It is sure to be filled with excitement, apprehension, joy, fear, sadness and a variety of other feelings no matter what the change may be. Life is full of changes, large and small. Some are sudden while others happen over time.

Caleb had his first sleep over and Geoffrey and I went to the coast for the night. I cried when we left him, not because I didn't want to go, or I didn't want him to have this experience, but because our relationship to him was changing. As he grows, his need for us changes and while it feels good to know that he is secure enough to behave appropriately, I was a little sad to leave him and also happy to have 24 hours to ourselves. A change met with apprehension, sadness, and joy and it made me a better mom because after a night away I was so refreshed and excited to see him. He did so well and so did we.

My Dad and Lisa are preparing for a major change in their lives. This change brings me a bit of sadness because is means the loss of the house I grew up in and with it, so many memories. I am excited for them because they are fulfilling dreams and preparing for their future together. I know that this change brings them both some apprehension and stress as they make things happen and I wish we lived closer so I could maybe help in some way. Such is life.

I have been thinking a lot about the changes that will take place in our family in the next few months. Caleb will be asked to share our attention with another little person and we will manage to care for two people under the age of two.

Change in life is inevitable, exciting, challenging and joyous. In every change there are positives and negatives and it is all part of the journey. From babies to toddlers to children to teenagers to adults to retirement to many adventures to death; such is life and all its changes.

Caleb is getting Smarter everyday!

Random Thoughts

• Today as Caleb was waking up from his nap, I was rubbing his back and recognizing his tiny body. I was in awe of the gift that is my child and feeling so blessed that God has given me such a great responsibility to be his mommy. He is growing so fast into a young boy and I am amazed by him each day.
• I wonder what I should do with my hair, but I desperately need to do something.
• I am excited to meet this new baby and I can't believe we are already half way there. Our midwife is awaiting the birth of another woman who had a fast first birth and is now struggling with a slow labor process. She delivered her first baby at 37 weeks in a matter of 6 hours from start to finish and now she thinks she is in labor at every little twinge, but she is not. She still has two weeks until her due date and she can still deliver two weeks beyond that, so it is going to be a rough road for her. Our midwife has already labor sat through one whole night and has gone to their house a few times in hopes that it was time. Someone needs to tell her that she is not in labor and she still has a lot of time for it to happen. The truth is, having a slow labor after Caleb's fast birth is a concern of mine, but going through this process with her makes me realize the importance of being realistic. I didn't like hearing that I was not in REAL labor when I had prodromal with Caleb, but it was true and I hope I can be responsive and patient with my next birth.
• I would love to take ballroom dance lessons someday with Geoffrey. I think it would be fun to learn something new together.
• I don't really like being so light-headed in the mornings, but I know that if my blood sugar is that low, then baby is growing while I sleep and it is just one more of the many joys of pregnancy.
• I feel like my belly is growing really fast, but Missy says it is not as big as she would expect for a second baby at this point in the game, although baby is growing just fine. I guess that is a good thing, but I feel huge and I know it is only going to get worse.
• Half way through this pregnancy I have gained ten pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.
  
• I feel like I need to do some major spring cleaning and organizing, in our closets especially.
• I love to watch Caleb at his tumbling class. He has so much fun challenging himself, navigating new obstacles, interacting with kids his own age, and initiating his own exploration. He is usually so good in class. He is getting better at following directions and communicating his needs/wants which is so cool.
  

My Little Peanut!

It is so amazing to me that a little person so small can be so fully formed already. He/she has everything it needs in there to survive in this world. Getting to see into the womb is such a miracle. We got to see the parts of the brain and heart and know that they are all there. Those are things that we would not ever know for sure unless something was wrong. Baby has ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, on nose and a lot of energy. I feel so blessed to get the opportunity to be a mother to two little lives and to witness their growth in and out of my womb.

The sweetest sound in the world

I find it so amazing and hard to believe that there is another person living inside of my body. A perfect tiny little body with a beating heart all its own that will someday follow that heart wherever it may lead. Although I can't feel it now, we heard little kicks with the Doppler and we heard the pulse beating within the umbilical cord connecting the two of us. God created my body knowing that these lives would grow there and I am in awe.

Finally (I hope)

This Saturday and Sunday I have finally started to feel a bit better. I haven't experienced nausea like I have in the past six weeks. I have had a few moments where i felt a tiny bit nauseated, but it was usually because I needed to eat or drink something, I handled it quickly and then I felt fine again. I have continued to be tired but that is to be expected. I am really hoping that this becomes the norm and not just an exception. Only time will tell.

We are currently at 10-12 weeks. Yeah!

In other news, I keep having dreams that I start bleeding and I have to say I lost the baby. I also am having dreams that I can feel the baby moving, so I am not sure which is a sign, but I hope it is the later. I can't imagine losing a baby. I know it is possible but I am hopeful that this little bean will stay safe in my womb and all is well in there.

We have our first prenatal appointment this coming Wednesday and I am looking forward to the possibility of hearing the little beans heartbeat. Hopefully we are lucky and can find it!

Blah!

I really am so excited to be pregnant and to think about the future with two beautiful little children, but I am so tired of not feeling good. I know that some women have things way worse than I have, but I do not like being nauseated. I am so over trying to creep though my day without wanting to puke, even though I never really do. Loving the baby idea, really wanting to feel better. This too shall pass.